Yes, it’s true. I am a reality TV. show watcher. I love shows such as Basketball Wives, Love & Hip-Hop and the Real Housewives series. People say it’s detrimental to the portrayal of black women and women in general, etc., etc. While I completely understand this argument, I believe that reality TV distorts the portrayal of anyone Black or White who participates in it but of course with Black women the images carry different stereotypical meanings. After these shows are over, white women still have the privilege of being characterized as beautiful, feminine and desirable no matter how many times they make an ass out of themselves on national television but that is another story.
On the show two weeks ago, Ms. Chrissy Lampkin (the spouse of rapper Jim Jones) finally received the engagement ring she had been looking for after dating Jim for seven years. My question to all of my female peers is, how long would you wait? I’m going to be honest here and say that after the third year, if I was Chrissy, I would have been ready to pack my bags. Of course, age factors into this as well. The younger you are the longer you can be in a relationship of that length but what if you are Chrissy’s age, 30+, and the space for you to have kids diminishes every year after thirty, then the luxury of waiting seven years waiting for a man to propose is not an option.
Many times women don’t ask their men the right questions and are sometimes left stuck between their desire (the ring) and the reality of the situation (being with a man who isn’t ready to get married). I’m not saying you should talk about marriage on the first date but after two or three years of dating a man (this applies to women in their late twenties and older) you have a right to ask where the relationship is going. In a relationship, if you are loving, supporting and caring for someone unselfishly then you have a right to ask for what you want. There are many women who do not do this because they are scared of being alone or don’t know how to be alone and while that is understandable, one must eradicate the feelings of a devalued self-worth in order to correct this. Because if the only time you feel whole is when you are with a significant other then that is a problem. I am fortunate enough to be one of those people who was never bothered by not being in a relationship (I’ve never been in a serious relationship). However, if my partner was not ready for marriage in the short future after we’ve been together for three or more years then I would be ready to throw in the towel and put up the deuces. I deserve to be with someone who will fully appreciate and reciprocate the level of commitment I am willing to give to a relationship.
I don’t blame Chrissy for making threats of walking away because if she was not getting what she thought she deserved, which is a marriage attached to stability and security, then she needs to walk away. Another thing, I feel that if I am not a wife then I will not be performing the duties of a wife. I’m sorry, but if a man doesn’t want to make the commitment of marriage then he doesn’t get the benefits that comes from being married such as children, living with me, certain sexual privileges, etc. It is important to ask your partner about marriage (if that's what you want) when you have been in a relationship for a certain amount of time so you won’t be clinging to a reality that is non-existent. Everyone has different thresholds of toleration and it is up to you to determine yours but being in an unhappy relationship that's a one-way street to nowhere should be a low threshold for anyone.
If you don’t want marriage or are indifferent to it then you never have to worry about presenting ultimatums on this basis because you view your relationship as something that maintains significance whether or not you are married, but for those of us who do, like myself, we will definitely be asking the question, "Um....Just where the fuck is this relationship going?"
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